Today, I choose DIFFERENTLY

I’ve had a couple of rough emotional patches this week and thankfully they were fleeting , however, it made me think about my feelings. I realized that MOST days, people didn’t even have a clue how low I was feeling. I’ve gotten way too good at hiding my own hurt. I am usually a very positive person trying to encourage someone else to look at the bright side of things. Now, looking back, if I succumbed to my feelings or allowed people to know how I was feeling, I certainly would have been clinically diagnosed and on antidepressants BUT God. He and He ALONE has been my saving grace.

hidingI think much of my past feelings of depression had come from feelings of both rejection and self disappointment. Youth is wasted on the young.  - George Bernard ShawI sometimes still feel as though I’ve wasted a lot of my youth and didn’t value my time or my opportunities. There were so many things I could have done. There were so many different choices I could have and should have made. There were so many paths I should have taken.

When we’re  young, we live life with some irrational thought of immortality and less of a regard to time and it’s worth. Adults tend to say, ” If I only knew then, what I know now, I would have…etc” Well, this is where I find myself at times. I love this quote shown above, by George Bernard Shaw. The quote is a cheeky phrase but it has some veracity as well.  For as long as I’ve heard it, I’ve understood and agreed but I wasn’t able to appreciate it’s value or wisdom. I should really say I wasn’t able to appreciate the wisdom until I began to own my failures.

For countless years I chose to be a victim and didn’t realize that I was doing so. If you knew me well, you would know this is a VERY challenging thing for me to admit. I abhor the victim mentality. I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I wasn’t “weak” that way. Yes, I may have been hurt. Yes, I cried but when I did I vowed “I would cry hard but I would never cry long.” I  actually stood tall knowing that I couldn’t be “broken.” Silly Me. I was so Prideful!

Pride is an UGLY BEAST..

(For me, this is what it looks like. I had to give it a face so I  wouldn’t give it power)

 Pride will make you think you are more than what you are. Pride will control your decision making. Pride will make you miss opportunities. Pride will make you hurt people. In the end, Pride hurts YOU most of all. Pride will make you LIE TO YOURSELF and that is Just what I was doing.

I would also compare myself to others. What a fast track to nowhere THAT was!

Go Ahead, Compare Yourself!

 

There is NO ONE ELSE LIKE ME in this ENTIRE WORLD! There is nobody that can do WHAT I do, LIKE I DO IT!

When I started to recognize this truth and value who I was which included all my failures, past mistakes, bad choices and rejections, I realized that ALL of that made and continues to make me exactly who I am.

EVERY DAY IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY!

EVEN TODAY  I choose differently. Make a change, one decision at a time!

I choose to think differently.

I choose to accept my flaws. I choose to accept and embrace my past for what it WAS. I choose to see my past as lessons learned. I choose to move forward. I choose to be positive. I choose to be Purpose Driven . I choose to be Intentional. I choose to GROW beyond my circumstances. I choose to be better than the me of YESTERDAY.

What do YOU choose to do differently?!

Here’s a little something to help you decide….

 

“For you I will… ”

 I had to take a brief break from posting because I wasn’t inspired. I couldn’t just write something JUST to write it. I have to write my heart, so you can relate!

 

(To all you hoity-toity, stiff necked, believers out there, please don’t burn me at the stake for my prop pics- I’m still saved-LOL…)

 

 

So, now that I’ve got the disclaimers out the way,I can get back to sharing my day with you.

I have spent most of my day in worship just asking God to make my ears more keen. I’m talking so keen to his voice that I’m like a K-9, who can hear a pitch that only other K-9s can hear- I hope you’re following where I’m leading. I had to just continue in worship and in song because that’s what I was feeling but finally at 4:30pm I randomly start singing lyrics to an old favorite song of mine from one of my favorite artists, Monica-“For you I will”, when I was a teen. I LOVED this song and could picture myself as a teen, singing this song, trying to mimic her sound and even all of her facial movements and expressions. It really makes me giggle because if you were a fan, you understand EXACTLY what I mean. After I finish singing some of the lyrics, I stood still and realized that I hadn’t heard this song in YEARS and I certainly haven’t thought of it in about the same amount of time, so why and where in the world did that come from, I wonder.

THEN, it HITS me!

God is “wooing” me!

Oh MY Goodness! He truly is the Lover of my soul. He was speaking all of those lyrics to me!

WOW- me!

I know it’s not a “spiritual” or gospel song but I know beyond a SHADOW of a doubt that HE was speaking to me, what I needed MOST to hear and know! Trust that HE knows how to reach you “where” you are. He will use whatever necessary to get your attention. Sharpen your ears to be able to hear God IN everything, whether it be a billboard, a song on the radio, a tv commercial, someone’s conversation you overhear as you walk by. He is speaking to you ALL DAY, every day. He just wants us to listen. Today he told me” For YOU I will do WHATEVER it takes.”

He has no favorites, he will do the same for you! For YOU, HE WILL!

 

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Living Unshamed

Living our life in regret of past disappointments and bad decisions can really stifle our emotional, spiritual and mental growth.Eventually, I believe it begins to affect our physical being in one way or another. For so many years, I lived in regret and shame.

I’ve  been faced with some challenging situations that I believe, forced me to make some very difficult choices and I didn’t always make the best choice.

WHY?

I was scared.FEAR (It literally makes me cringe internally) will cause us to make some quick, unwise, unadvised choices to promptly rid ourselves of the issue, or so we think. The thing about fear though, is that it’s irrational! Fear is False-Evidence Appearing Real. During taxing times, the information that we focus on is usually all the evidence that supports the worst case scenario. I choose to believe there is only one plan to step out from under the guilt and shame and that’s (1) facing reality, (2)owning our responsibility in the matter and (3)living unashamed after we’ve made amends.

We are not our choices. We are a divine design created for greatness.

We simply go through life and all it’s mountains and valleys to grow in maturity and become who we were designed to be. Even the symbol of our heartbeat’s vibration reflects the balance of life.

I think that through life we struggle with the balance of who we truly are and who we were raised to be. Most times they aren’t a direct reflection of one another and we strive through life to be this person that we are expected to be, instead of who we were created to be.

In TD Jake’s sermons and his book Instinct , He basically states that “Finding our destiny will ALWAYS disappoint people who have assigned us to theirs.” Knowing and embracing who you are and who you were designed to be gives you a confidence that produces in you an ability to conquer an otherwise assumed defeat. We have to take everything we learned, through disappointment, hurt, shameful choices, past regret as well as possible guilt and use that as fuel to our fire. We have to let that be our inspiration to do better and not allow it to overshadow the “Message in our Mess.”

 

Someone needs to hear your story. Be an Answer to someone’s question. Someone will be inspired by watching you. Someone’s life will be saved both figuratively and literally because of what you’ve been THROUGH and learned from. Live on Purpose. Live for Purpose. Live Unashamed!