I’ve had a couple of rough emotional patches this week and thankfully they were fleeting , however, it made me think about my feelings. I realized that MOST days, people didn’t even have a clue how low I was feeling. I’ve gotten way too good at hiding my own hurt. I am usually a very positive person trying to encourage someone else to look at the bright side of things. Now, looking back, if I succumbed to my feelings or allowed people to know how I was feeling, I certainly would have been clinically diagnosed and on antidepressants BUT God. He and He ALONE has been my saving grace.
I think much of my past feelings of depression had come from feelings of both rejection and self disappointment. I sometimes still feel as though I’ve wasted a lot of my youth and didn’t value my time or my opportunities. There were so many things I could have done. There were so many different choices I could have and should have made. There were so many paths I should have taken.
When we’re young, we live life with some irrational thought of immortality and less of a regard to time and it’s worth. Adults tend to say, ” If I only knew then, what I know now, I would have…etc” Well, this is where I find myself at times. I love this quote shown above, by George Bernard Shaw. The quote is a cheeky phrase but it has some veracity as well. For as long as I’ve heard it, I’ve understood and agreed but I wasn’t able to appreciate it’s value or wisdom. I should really say I wasn’t able to appreciate the wisdom until I began to own my failures.
For countless years I chose to be a victim and didn’t realize that I was doing so. If you knew me well, you would know this is a VERY challenging thing for me to admit. I abhor the victim mentality. I’ve always prided myself on the fact that I wasn’t “weak” that way. Yes, I may have been hurt. Yes, I cried but when I did I vowed “I would cry hard but I would never cry long.” I actually stood tall knowing that I couldn’t be “broken.” Silly Me. I was so Prideful!
Pride is an UGLY BEAST..
(For me, this is what it looks like. I had to give it a face so I wouldn’t give it power)
Pride will make you think you are more than what you are. Pride will control your decision making. Pride will make you miss opportunities. Pride will make you hurt people. In the end, Pride hurts YOU most of all. Pride will make you LIE TO YOURSELF and that is Just what I was doing.
I would also compare myself to others. What a fast track to nowhere THAT was!
There is NO ONE ELSE LIKE ME in this ENTIRE WORLD! There is nobody that can do WHAT I do, LIKE I DO IT!
When I started to recognize this truth and value who I was which included all my failures, past mistakes, bad choices and rejections, I realized that ALL of that made and continues to make me exactly who I am.
EVERY DAY IS A NEW OPPORTUNITY TO CHOOSE DIFFERENTLY!
EVEN TODAY I choose differently. Make a change, one decision at a time!
I choose to think differently.
I choose to accept my flaws. I choose to accept and embrace my past for what it WAS. I choose to see my past as lessons learned. I choose to move forward. I choose to be positive. I choose to be Purpose Driven . I choose to be Intentional. I choose to GROW beyond my circumstances. I choose to be better than the me of YESTERDAY.
What do YOU choose to do differently?!
Here’s a little something to help you decide….